imagine a different world of grilled cheese.

I am currently searching for a girl and am wondering if you could please help me?

Throughout my many Saturdays at the Nordstrom Cafe there are many women that come into the cafe. Young and old, blonde and brunette…all types of women. Although I may make a comment about certain ones, none leave a lasting impression. They are in and out of my mind before I can say, “Just have a seat and a server will be right with you.”

However, tonight was different.

Tonight was special. Read the rest of this entry »

This campaign, this election has changed me as a person…forever. Prior to this election, I had yet to be truly involved in politics. Sure, I followed the campaigns, watched the debates and stayed up each election night. However, lots of Americans do that every four years. That is nothing special.

This year, though, this year was different. Early on, I became wrapped up in the political winds of change. At the start, I backed John Edwards. Once he bowed out, but prior to the revelation that he is unfit to be president, I began backing Barack Obama. From there, my interest in the campaign and the Democratic candidate increased 100-fold, if not more.

I have always been a Democrat and always have backed Democratic candidates. However, this year, I not only backed Obama with my vote, I backed him with almost $100 in donations and the action of knocking on 80+ doors; my first time ever donating and volunteering. The political ideals in me have solidified for the first time ever. Read the rest of this entry »

I call BS.

45 days ago I made a conscious decision to leave JDate.com behind and move forward. Delete my profile and say goodbye. I believed I was over online dating. I believed that I no longer needed “a crutch” to find her. I finally realized that I am (and have been) a good catch and could find an attractive, young lady to go out on a date with…without the help of the Internet.

Even with this new found self-esteem, 45 days and not a week goes by without me thinking about the site or the possible missed opportunities. I have pondered many times about returning simply to look. I have pondered many times what females have signed up in the days since I left. I have pondered what I could be missing. Read the rest of this entry »

There are many definitions of the word prime, some dealing with numbers and grades, others dealing with the canonical hour (~6 a.m.) and even others with a comic book character. However, none of those definitions are the reasons I am writing about. Sorry, a Transformers post will have to wait for later.

These definitions are:

“The time of maturity when power and vigor are greatest”

“Being at the best stage of development; ‘our manhood’s prime vigor’- Robert Browning” Read the rest of this entry »

All Jews know about this site while a good amount have actually used it at one point. As most Jews are, they are persuaded by some family member, to sign-up so that he/she could be one of the success stories highlighted on JDate.

My JDate story starts more years ago than I would like to admit (6) when both my mom and sister suggested I sign up. Off the bat, I started talking to someone and then hung out with her a few times. It never turned into anything, but it was definitely a good start. That success was few and far between, even though oddly enough, I ended up in 3 relationships. My first one lasted the longest at 5 months, but as we all know, was an uphill battle from the start. Read the rest of this entry »

I had a Diversity and Sexual Harassment meeting tonight at Nordstrom. Sitting at my table was a girl who I found cute and interesting.

Unfortunately, I was at a Diversity and Sexual Harassment meeting.

I am a late-bloomer. At this point, everyone knows this as I have mentioned it more times than I can count. At some point, I should probably stop mentioning it, but that is here nor there. Even though I am only now coming into my prime as an adult, I have still learned a lot about myself. I have learned my likes and dislikes, my hopes and dreams, and so much more. I have especially learned that you can’t force a feeling, especially when it doesn’t exist.

I have had dates, I have been in relationships, even been in one that “blossomed.” Maybe not as many as other people my age, but who is counting? Not I. Anyways, in all of my adult relationships, after I realized that I wasn’t just in it so I could say I had a girlfriend, the future came up and each time I was “scared.” I still view myself as young, and not ready to think of myself as married, and having kids.

However, I don’t think that is the only reason that I had issues when the future topic arose. I believe that fear arose within me because I knew that the person I was with was not the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I had hoped, or made myself believe that was the case, it really wasn’t. I enjoyed being with them, I enjoyed spending time with them, but I just never had that feeling; the feeling that everyone wants and only few truly experience.

I wanted to believe that feeling was there, I wanted to believe that these women were Miss Right. I wanted to force that feeling into my thoughts. However, I realized that that is not possible. It has to come to you, you can’t come to it. I have been close to experiencing the feeling, but I have yet to totally cross over.

I am sure in due time, the feeling will come knocking, and when I realize it, I will be the happiest guy in the world.

It is how you persevere, that makes the good that much better.

Ever since I wrote Growing Up or Simply Growing Wiser? and How come no one told me this?, I have wanted to write a follow-up, a new post in the series. However, ever since those two posts, a lot of nothing and a lot of something, has happened. My life has changed, yet in a way, it has stayed the same.

Throughout our lives, we are on a search, a hunt, so to speak. We are searching for that one person who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Some start this search early in their lives, while others begin looking later in their lives. There are early-bloomers, later-bloomers and everyone in between. No matter when this process begins, most everyone in this world tries to complete this task. Most everyone wants to love someone, and to be loved by someone.

During this process, of trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right, we refine our needs and wants, what we like and don’t like. Along the search path, we find plenty of Mr. or Ms. Wrongs, and only eventually, down the road, do we realize that we have actually found Mr. or Ms. Right. Therefore, as we continue on this search, we can make sure not to make the same mistakes as in the past, we can avoid what we don’t like and try to find more of what we do. We can make sure that we do not settle. We can make sure that we never give-up.

On my path, my journey, to find the one I will love for the rest of my life, I have taken the road that is only paved for me. It seems as though my search has fit me to a “T.” I believe myself to be unique, different, and I feel as though my search has followed suit. In my eyes, me, and my search are, essentially, one in the same.

As I said earlier, you date, and go on this journey, to make sure you find the right person, and to insure that you do not settle. I have had a few relationships, and learned a lot. I have kept this in my mind as I have continued on this search, the search that has brought me to a path that I have yet to walk on. A path that involves another. I am in unchartered territory, territory that I have always knew I would enter, but had yet to do so. However, this does not scare me, or frighten me, as it might have in the past. It actually does the exact opposite. It makes me smile, and excites me for the future, for what is to come.

I have gone on this journey for longer than I realize, and it has brought me to where I am today. It has brought me to someone who makes me feel like I have never felt before, no offense to the ladies in my past. I do not know if this path will be long and will take me months or years to walk on, or if it will be short, and end before I know it. I certainly do not know this, and believe that no one has that answer.

However, if anyone believes in feelings, or hunches, as I do, I lean towards long. I do not want to get ahead of myself, I have done that in the past, and has gotten me in trouble, but this is different, very different. I have been using the word “different” and “differently” to describe my relationship with this amazing girl, even before there was a relationship. The fact that this feels different then my past relationships, the ones that ended, that didn’t work, that are no more, says a lot. It tells me that this is something special, something unique, something that will last.

I will end this post, this long rambling post, with an example. Last night, this girl, my girlfriend, came over after not feeling well all day, to watch a movie. We sat on the couch, and did as most couples do when watching a movie at home, we cuddled, and held each other. Although I was watching the movie, I was also focused on my feelings and what I was thinking. I kept saying to myself, I could stay here forever, and almost wanted to. It might sound corny, and well, it might actually be corny, but that is what I was thinking and feeling.

Eventually comes a time, when people must go home, and that was no different last night. However, what was different, was that no longer than 15 minutes after she left, I already missed her. I continued to miss her until I went to bed, this morning and now. Even though I know she needs her rest because she isn’t feeling well, I wish she was coming back over this evening, so I could stop missing her.

My life has changed since those two previous posts. I said I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, that I was happy with my life. However, if when I wrote that original post, I knew how happy I would be now, I would have never written it. My life is great now, and I can’t wait to continue walking on this path, hand-in-hand, with my girlfriend, Rachel.

This post is a continuation of another post entitled, Growing Up or Simply Growing Wiser?

When you turn 13, in the Jewish religion, you become a man/woman.

When you turn 16, in Ohio, you can get your driver’s license, or at least that is how it was when I was younger.

When you turn 17, you can see a R-Rated movie without having to sneak in.

When you turn 18, you are seen as an adult in the eyes of the law.

When you turn 21, you can legally drink, as if you hadn’t already.

When you turn 24, you become wise. Or at least that is the epiphany I have had recently. As I said in the first post in this series, I always was on the hunt for a girlfriend, always second guessing myself, or always doing something to bring myself down.

Ever since my 24th birthday, on July 26, 2007, or around there, I have forgotten all about the negative and simply enjoyed my life. Problem at work? No big deal, just figure it out, learn from it, and move on. Second guessing something I said or did? Nope and nope, not worth the time OR effort. Worrying about my love life? Not anymore. I am going with the flow, and letting the wind take me on this journey we call life. I am happy being me, and as of now, no one can really change that.

Oh well, there is always the folks, and me…but aren’t kids always supposed to be at odds with their parents? Parents are supposed to annoy their kids and children are supposed to annoy their folks, it is the circle of life. That will be something I will have to work on from now until eternity. And then, just then, I might not even have it all figured out.

I am now 24 and finally coming into my own. I have come to the conclusion, that I have been and will always be a late-bloomer…not that that is a bad thing. Hey, only recently have I begun shaving on a regular basis.

Back in middle school and more likely high school, everyone was dating, entering into relationships and letting life take them on a ride. In college, this continued, and eventually entered serious territory. People are now fresh out of college and getting engaged and married. However, I am not.

In high school, I dated sporadically, and definitely had no idea what I was doing. I was more interested in the idea of dating, instead of the person I was actually dating. In college, it took me until the middle/end of my final year to even truly start dating someone, let alone enter a serious relationship. And even then, I honestly had no what I was doing and was actually living in a world that never existed.

I never really went to frat parties, hooked up with a girl, whatever that means, or did anything “most” all other college students did. I was myself, and that was plenty fine with me. I had a group of friends that meant, and still do, the world to me. I went to college and created my own experiences, instead of following in the paths of the hundreds of people who came before me.

All this time, I was still feeling out the world I was living in, trying to get a handle on my feelings and emotions. I did not understand what was going on, nor did I know what was to come. At times, I thought I had to be like everyone else, follow what they were doing. I believed I had to be a follower, not a leader. My sister was married and having children…was it now my time to do the same? Even up until recently, I was in a hurry to find someone to settle down with simply because that was what everyone was doing, that was the “norm.”

That might have been what I thought I wanted, but deep down, I do not know if it was truly what I wanted. In the past couple weeks, I have come to grips with the world I have created for myself, friends and family. Guess what? I haven’t been happier. Sure, there always ups and downs, but for the most part, I have loved my life, and especially myself.

I have not gone back and second guessed myself based on actions I have taken. I have worried much, much less about things I have very little control over. Yesterday, at work, there was a rather large problem, that I handled with a cool head and it eventually worked out perfectly fine. I thought to myself, I didn’t design a bridge that then collapsed, killing innocent people. I simply sent out a newsletter one day early, it was definitely not the end of the world.

There is a very cliche saying that states, “You must love yourself before anyone else can love you.” I don’t know if I always believed the truth behind that statement, but I always tried to attain that feat. I never was able to because I forced all efforts. That is no longer true. I am letting life take me wherever it wants, as I simply enjoy its intricacies. The little things in life are what makes it so special, and for once, I am finally, truly, noticing them. I am enjoying each and every moment as if it might not be there 2 minutes, or even 2 seconds, later.

I realize that right now, in my life, I am nowhere near ready to enter in a serious relationship, no matter the person. I still live with my parents for heavens sake! Haha. But seriously, I am not forcing the hunt, yet I am simply enjoying the time I spend with people, whether they be friends or something more.

Sure, I love to whine about being single, but at this time, right now, 5:43 pm, August 10, 2007, I can honestly say that I am 100% ok with being single. I am still feeling out the world I live in, trying to understand how it works and where it is eventually taking me. It would not be fair to force someone else to share that ride with me. Well, not until I have this world partially figured out…no one can ever truly understand the world we live in…that would be boring.

At one point in our lives, we all have a first love. Some have them when they are young, and some have them when they are somewhat older. There are early bloomers and late bloomers. Either way, everyone experiences their first love at some point in their life and most never forget it. I experienced mine at the ripe old age of 22 and even though it has been over for a year plus, I am still thinking about it. I have come to the conclusion, I will never forget.

All of my friends and family know the story behind it, it is definitely one for the ages. They know how it began and know how it ended. However, the middle part, that middle part, is what I cannot forget. Sure there were arguments, fights and all around “bad moments,” but hidden in there somewhere were some amazing times. Dinners, trips, movies, and adventures, those are what make me constantly think of my first love.

The love part ended in a hurry, but then took a long time to get over. I was hurt, I was injured, “I was a wounded bird.” (Quote courtesy Boy Meets World, episode: Eric Hollywood) I was unable to function as a normal, guy looking to move on. However, as time has past, as I have recovered, I have been able to lock the bad in a place in my brain that is difficult to find. On the other hand though, the good has stayed front in center and makes an appearance often.

In so many respects she was not the perfect girlfriend. She was smothering and vindictive. She did not understand my life, my family and where I was coming from. She ran my life while simultaneously ruining it. None of these are qualities people look for in a significant other.

However, what makes it all so interesting, and why she will never leave my mind, even with all the hurt, pain and anger, was that she was had a part of her that made her the perfect girlfriend. Contradiction, I know, this whole relationship is a perfect case study for a therapist. She cared for me and knew my interests. She made events special by doing the little things that would make anyone smile. She cared about my friends and took a true interest in who they were. When we were together, doing whatever, 98% of the time, we had fun, whether it be trying to find a restaurant to eat at in Lexington, or just lounging around. These are the parts of a woman that are hard to find. However, when coupled with the bad, maybe even the horrible, they become lost and overshadowed.

Along with reminiscing about the past and our relationship together, I think about the present. I do wonder what she is doing now, what her life is like right now. I know that we will never be friends and can never be friends, too much hate was spewed on both ends, but I have thought about contacting her. I would never do it, and never plan on doing it, but I would be a liar if the I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. 5 months together and then it ended, quickly, and then prolonged. It might have only been 5 months, but she played such an important role in my life (negatively and positively), that it is odd to think we will never speak again. This is just an example of the theory that you never get over your first love, I am living proof.

Way back in January, I wrote a blog entry entitled, “It is too bad you were crazy.” Upon reading this you will discover that then, I was still comparing all women to her. It is now June and that has yet to change. I think of the good, how she did things that made me smile and feel special, and I wonder if I will ever find that again, of course without all the crazy. It is bound to happen, I know that, it just a matter of time. No matter what though, when she enters my life, on that day, I will still be comparing my current love to my first love, and that is something I have to come to grips with.

Let me bore you for two minutes, and then you will be able to view today’s A Photo A Day. On my way home from work this evening, as usual, there was traffic. Either to the right or left of me was a Nissan Xterra, and we both were trying to get around cars who were going slow. Being stereotypical, I figured that it was a guy in the Xterra and never really thought anymore of it.

However, we were passing each other down the road a bit and I was able to see who exactly was driving the car and let me tell you, it was definitely not a male. It was a young, attractive, female, who happened to be talking on the phone. After a second or two, we both saw each other, smiled, and that was that. I continued driving, as I should, and so did she.

We passed each other again, and nothing happened. Time passed, and then, I realized I was in the wrong lane, and started to try and make it home the correct way. However, in this quest to get in the correct lane, I went slower than usual, hoping that mystery girl would catch up to me again, if only for me to get one last glance. It worked. She passed me one more time, and for the second time, we made eye contact and smiled as we both went different ways to our destination.

Sure, this is extremely corny, and sappy, but that moment, that whole exchange, made me smile, and made me happy for the next little while. I will never see this girl again, unless for some really odd test of fate, but this cute, attractive girl, gave me some much needed entertainment for the ride home…and even a much needed confident boost. Thank you Mystery Girl!

Now onto today’s photo…which will receive no story except to say that my mom and I went to play tennis, as we normally do on a Wednesday night, and afterwards went searching the local Community Park for a photo. Somehow I won said game, even if I did play poorly.

Last Spring I went to the movie theater to see a movie called The Break-Up, with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. If you haven’t seen this movie, don’t. If you plan on renting this movie, don’t. If you have seen this movie, I apologize. For the first 95-100 min of the movie, my thoughts were positive, I was enjoying the movie, plot, acting, everything. However, the last 5-10 min totally changed my mind. Those few minutes made my feelings stop in their tracks and run in the opposite direction. Most of the movie, I was telling the person sitting next to me that they would get back together, they had to, this is a romantic comedy created by Hollywood. However, just for the hell of it, Hollywood decided to go against the grain and ruin a somewhat decent movie. They decided to laugh in the face of fairy tale love.

Most people do not go to romantic comedies to view real life mirrored on the big screen, like was displayed in The Break-Up. They go, in droves, to view happiness. They go to go to romantic comedies for the fairy tale love that has become a cliche at this point.

When Hollywood deserts the universal theme of fairy tale love for the sake of reality, does that mean even the possibility is vanishing right beneath our noses?

I like to believe that fairy tale love is possible simply because one day, I hope to have that type of love; the type that has been so popular in 99% of Hollywood romantic comedies.

Well, at least one can dream…