imagine a different world.

45 days ago I made a conscious decision to leave JDate.com behind and move forward. Delete my profile and say goodbye. I believed I was over online dating. I believed that I no longer needed “a crutch” to find her. I finally realized that I am (and have been) a good catch and could find an attractive, young lady to go out on a date with…without the help of the Internet.

Even with this new found self-esteem, 45 days and not a week goes by without me thinking about the site or the possible missed opportunities. I have pondered many times about returning simply to look. I have pondered many times what females have signed up in the days since I left. I have pondered what I could be missing.

JDate has turned into my drug. My addiction. (Hey, it could be much worse! I don’t think I can get arrested for visiting www.jdate.com 200 times in one day…right?) I was addicted to the site when I was an active member and continue to be addicted to it when I am not. I vowed to the online world that I was saying goodbye to JDate, yet, I continue to want to return. I continue to want to see what I am missing.

Why? Unfortunately, I am not sure I have a good answer. Am I really ready that “hard-up” for a date? Or, am I really, truly ready to find her and settle down? Or, has JDate turned into a game for me? Is it taunting me saying, “Shane, you know you can find a date on here. Just keep looking.”

Oddly enough, I believe that it may be a combination of all three. The last date I was on, was, well, it was a long time ago. Yes, I have the companionship of my family and friends, but no offense to anyone, that gets old after awhile. Sometimes you just need that connection, that friend that turns into more. Sparks and fireworks. That feeling.

And well, on the other hand, for some reason, JDate.com has my number. It prays on my weaknesses and sucks me in. It knows that I am looking and continues to taunt me. “Come back. Visit me. Find her.”…even though I know that there is a 99.9% chance I won’t find her.

I started visiting JDate.com more years ago then I would like to admit. I have wasted countless hours on the site. I have gone through three unsuccessful relationships because of the site. …and I continue to want to return simply so I can find her. I am surely addicted to JDate.com but I am also addicted to the search. Addicted to finding her. Addicted to that feeling.

Most would say, “Go outside and get a life.” “Meet people in the real world.” “Stop being addicted to a web site.” Yeah, that may work for most, but I am not most. See you on JDate in just a few minutes.