imagine a different world.

I am a late-bloomer. At this point, everyone knows this as I have mentioned it more times than I can count. At some point, I should probably stop mentioning it, but that is here nor there. Even though I am only now coming into my prime as an adult, I have still learned a lot about myself. I have learned my likes and dislikes, my hopes and dreams, and so much more. I have especially learned that you can’t force a feeling, especially when it doesn’t exist.

I have had dates, I have been in relationships, even been in one that “blossomed.” Maybe not as many as other people my age, but who is counting? Not I. Anyways, in all of my adult relationships, after I realized that I wasn’t just in it so I could say I had a girlfriend, the future came up and each time I was “scared.” I still view myself as young, and not ready to think of myself as married, and having kids.

However, I don’t think that is the only reason that I had issues when the future topic arose. I believe that fear arose within me because I knew that the person I was with was not the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I had hoped, or made myself believe that was the case, it really wasn’t. I enjoyed being with them, I enjoyed spending time with them, but I just never had that feeling; the feeling that everyone wants and only few truly experience.

I wanted to believe that feeling was there, I wanted to believe that these women were Miss Right. I wanted to force that feeling into my thoughts. However, I realized that that is not possible. It has to come to you, you can’t come to it. I have been close to experiencing the feeling, but I have yet to totally cross over.

I am sure in due time, the feeling will come knocking, and when I realize it, I will be the happiest guy in the world.